yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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