dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
