Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
