Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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