Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
