ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
