evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
