you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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