You're so nebulous sometimes
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Randomize
