Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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