I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
