I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
