then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
