can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
