Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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