haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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