I feel great
I just peed on a car
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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