She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Randomize
