Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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