my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
