I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I didn't notice because vodka
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
