weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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