last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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