my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I looked at my own cervix.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
