so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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