foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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