Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
