I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
