Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Too much gin, very little bucket
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
