We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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