we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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