it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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