Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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