Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
