You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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