he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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