I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
