And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
