a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
