I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
