So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you inspire me to be a worse person
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
