Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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