Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
