naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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