Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
