This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
