I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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