i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Randomize
