Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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