He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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