we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
