I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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