I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dignity is for republicans.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
